Scott Thomas Outlar

The Open Mouse

Keeping the Calf This Time
The full 1.5 liter bottle
of Sutter Home Sauvignon Blanc
under the lamplight
on the bedside table
looks like God
or the golden calf
in all its yellow loveliness,
that tonight will be ok.
I can drink.
I can write.
I can catch that buzz
at least one more time,
and even if I die tomorrow
I’ll sure as hell
sleep soundly tonight.
But I do not fear dying tomorrow
or any other time
for I have seen the face of death
and it only made me stronger.
I do not fear sobriety
for I have fasted
on the Holy Spirit
for months at a time in the past
and became stronger from that as well.
I do not fear withdrawal
for I have been through
tougher chemical cocktails
than any bar could ever serve,
and they did not do me in,

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