A Thousand Dollar Poem

I won a thousand dollars in the lottery,

but it wouldn’t even put a down payment

on the type of dreams I’ve been fantasizing about,

so I tossed half the wad into the gutter

and doused the rest in ketchup

so it could easily slide down my throat

along with the ninety-nine cent frozen meal

I spent the rest of my winnings on.

When I told this to my accountant

he started flipping the fuck out,

slamming his hands on the desk,

getting flush in the face,

hyperventilating like a fiend,

and cursing my name to the grave…

completely unprofessional behavior

in my humble opinion.

I just grinned and shrugged my shoulders.

Easy come, easy go, I laughed.

But you’re dead broke, you bum, he raved.

Like hell I am –

I just wrote a thousand dollar poem…

I’ll sleep like a baby tonight, sir.

I watched him clutch his chest and spasm

as I opened the door and turned to walk out.

You’re fired, you filthy swine, I called

out over my shoulder

as I heard his heart explode

in the tiny little office prison where he collapsed.

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